Filenews 31 December 2023 - by Socrates Ioakeim
If one reads the forecasts made at the end of 2022 for the course of 2023, one will see that almost no assessment of experts on the economy has been confirmed. The column, with the help of well-known astrologers who wanted to remain anonymous for obvious reasons, will attempt to predict what we will see and experience in the new year in the Cypriot economy.
January 2024
Tax incentives for coffee and chocolate
At a press conference, the Minister of Finance, Makis Keravnos, appears with a smile sweeter than chocolate and announces with emotion the new tax incentives for companies that love to create joy in the world, through the production of coffee and chocolate.
"According to university studies that, for obvious reasons, I prefer to keep secret, we have discovered that chocolate production is the sweetest solution to increase smiles. We are convinced that a smile can only be good for the economy," he said, visibly moved. Going a step further, he cheerfully pointed out that "as far as coffee is concerned, other research shows that it is the most effective means of waking the economy from the sleep of recession. So, we would say that these tax breaks are the dose of caffeine that we need today," he concluded.
February 2024
OEB placards at the Presidential
Labour Minister Yiannis Panayiotou announces the Government's decision to pay 100% of ATA starting in 2025 and increase the national minimum wage to €1,300.
The next day, 45 people, holding OEB placards, express a strong protest outside the Presidential Palace, with the general director of the Federation Michalis Antoniou handing over the keys of the businesses to the director of the Press Office of the Presidential Congress, Victor Papadopoulos, and stressing that the government has now nationalized the private sector as well.
March 2024
The President's Dog
Auditor General Odysseas Michaelides in a written statement expresses his service's discomfort over the fact that the presidential dog Zairo was taken to a veterinarian by a car of Nikos Christodoulides' guard and not by him. At the same time, he wondered if the selection of this particular veterinarian was made through a competition or if it was the choice of the President of the Republic himself. "You could have consulted us on how to manage the issue, as we also know about pets," Michaelides said.
April 2024
The robot of Hadjizacharias
The Deputy Minister of Research, Innovation and Digital Policy Filippos Hadjizacharias presents with emotion at a press conference the first robot that loves music, which he renamed to rockbot. Offering cookies to developers who came from 30 countries abroad to see it, he reveals that in 2025 they will present the first sleeping robot, which will be called zZz-bot!
May 2024
Incentives to buy an electric car
The Minister of Transport Alexis Vafeadis announces new incentives for the purchase of an electric car, highlighting their advantages. In particular, he says that electric cars are like the internet, because they are always plugged in, they are good in relationships, because they always take care of charging and turn up the voltage to cross a hill. "Get ready for electrical overruns. With these incentives, citizens will have more reason to smile as they charge their electric cars."
June 2024
The return of the Cyprus Investment Programme
Interior Minister Constantinos Ioannou announces the return of the Cyprus Investment Program, as he said the government is unable to meet the inflated by 15% state wage bill. "Government spending is like champagne at the Cypriot wedding. We are optimistic that with the return of KEP we will pay without delay the tens of thousands of civil servants," he said.
DISY stresses that it will vote against the state budget if the files of the state payroll are not given to the Auditor General.
July 2024
Direct flights Larnaca-Las Vegas
The Deputy Minister of Tourism Costas Koumis is pleased to announce the agreement for direct flights Larnaca-Las Vegas by Kouloheris Airlines.
Everyone wonders: How else to combine our gambling luck with the feeling of Vegas? Mr. Koumis' plan is to provide a cheap alternative for gambling enthusiasts who have yet to decide where to throw their money.
With the slogan "Play in the air, play in casinos!" Kouloheris Airlines invites you to experience the agony of gambling at an altitude of 30,000 feet! Flights will operate once a week, every Monday. Thus, hotels in Las Vegas can offer packages that include free dice for each guest.
Koumis is confident that the venture will be viable, as tens of thousands of gamblers will flood the flight. The only thing you need to be careful is not to lose your return cards as well, otherwise, you may find yourself playing with your luck for a very, very long time!
August 2024: The renovation of the Presidential building is presented
The President of the Republic, Nikos Christodoulides, presents a live broadcast of the new image of the Presidential Palace, after its renovation.
"Dear fellow citizens, today I am here to present to you the brand new Presidential Palace, which now reflects the spirit of our times. We replaced the old furniture with modern and functional ones. Now, in my office, there is also a special place for storing snacks, because even the President must satisfy his hunger during demanding meetings. Finally, we added a room with a projector and Netflix, because our policy should be at least as exciting as a good series. I hope you enjoy our new image as much as I do. And don't forget, it's a Presidential Palace for everyone, so don't hesitate to stop by for a chat and a coffee," he concluded.
September 2024
Tax documents on audiobook
Announcing the new tax reform, the finance minister announced that tax documents will now be available in audiobook format, so that citizens can listen to their tax obligations at a pace that suits them. Thus, taxation will become a melodic experience and citizens will be able to dance at the same time as burdening their wallets.
October 2024
Bankand digital currency from Church
The Church of Cyprus announces the creation of Holly Bank, with Archbishop George stressing that, now, instead of just getting blessings, you can also get interest rates. In addition, you can also invest in the new Holly Skale digital currency, which ensures spiritual well-being and blessing in every transaction.
November 2024
Tax deductions for captains
Shipping Deputy Minister Marina Chatzimanoli announced measures to support the sector. From now on, every captain who salutes the Cypriot coastline will receive a tax deduction, because, as we always say, "a good captain, a good taxpayer", he stressed, adding "let's raise the sails and let taxes play with the wind".
DECEMBER '24 Tax reduction on fuel
Energy Minister George Papanastasiou announces a further reduction in fuel taxes. "We are always thinking about how to make the lives of our citizens more oily... or at least more petrol-powered! It is our policy to ensure that everyone has the right to drive with joy and a smile, which is why this reduction will make petrol cheaper than ever! And always remember, the less money you spend on gas, the more you have for... other fuels, of course," he says.
